Friday I saw a funny exchange on Twitter between one of the more famous Magic comedy posters and another poster, @norbert88. Here’s the goodies:

norbert88: If I were to write an article of the Top X Magpies of All Time (Ophidian/ Shadowmage/etc), what would be your interest level? (scale 1-10)

Grizzly_Bears: If I were to write an article of the Top X Bears of All Time, what would be your interest level? (scale 1-10) (@norbert88)

Really, is this close? I’m at a 2 out of 2 for excitement about the Bears list and only a 1 out of 3 for the Ophidian list. With that in mind…

The 10 Best ‘Bears’ In Magic History

Before we begin, we need to define a ‘bear’. For this list, a bear is a creature that costs 1C (one colorless mana plus one mana of a specific color) and has base power and toughness of 2/2. With those criteria, I narrowed the field down to 13 bears that saw significant tournament play. With two of them being functionally identical, that leaves me with two honorable mentions:

Fallen Askari

A black bear with a pretty potent ability (flanking) in exchange for a negligible weakness (can’t block). Fallen Askari was key in Suicide Black decks as well as the 1997 World Championship deck of Jakub Slemr. Black typically doesn’t get creatures this good at this cost, most 2/2s in black are BB or have just drawbacks.

Ironclaw Orcs

Ironclaw Orcs was one of the critical beatdown creatures to the original Sligh decks. Like Fallen Askari, this bear comes with a drawback – he can only block creatures with 1 or less power. Of course, if this guy’s blocking, you’re doing it wrong. Like in black, 2/2s for 1R are hard to find, and creatures have become so much better since the days of Sligh that a guy like Goblin Raider deservedly gets no press.

10. Stingscourger
  • Deck: Legacy Goblins
  • Role: Wreck Reanimator

Here’s one of the more creative designs from Planar Chaos. In Stingscourger, you get to bounce an opponent’s creature and get a bear at the cost of that bear becoming really expensive the following turn. It doesn’t matter when you bounce Iona, Shield of Emeria, Blazing Archon, or the big-u Terastodon. Sometimes he even chump blocks an elephant!

9. Riftsweeper

Riftsweeper’s a card that did its job well. Need an Ancestral Vision to not resolve? Feed it to Riftsweeper. Need a Mystical Teachings to go away? Delay it, then feed it to Riftsweeper. Bash for two points a turn? Send in the Riftsweeper. While the Tarmogoyf decks were much better known for their namesake, Riftsweeper provided a ton of utility in a bear-sized package.

8. Wolf-Skull Shaman
  • Deck: Lorwyn Block Doran, Lorwyn Block Shaman
  • Role: Making more bears wolves

Wolf-Skull Shaman. Man, did I like this card. Here’s a bear that makes more troops at the small cost of giving your opponent information. So what if he knows you’re about to draw Crib Swap? That just makes your army even more formidable. Wolf-Skull Shaman was the key pin to Shaman decks, both those that looked to abuse Rage Forger and Leaf-Crowned Elder, and those looking to stand with Doran, the Siege Tower. Fun fact – Doran, the Siege Tower completely wrecks Siege of Towers.

7. Bramblewood Paragon
  • Deck: Standard Aggro Elves and Warriors
  • Role: She is here to *clap* pump you up.

The problem aggressive decks often have is punching through a strong defense. Sometimes your enemy just throws a wall or two in the way, or even worse a pesky little guy like Burrenton Forge-Tender. Bramblewood Paragon pulled double duty for aggressive Warrior-based decks by making subsequent creatures bigger and giving them trample as long as she’s around. It’s hard to pass up that combo.

6. Kavu Predator
  • Deck: Time Sprial Block Predator
  • Role: Trampling over opponents for great Justice

Kavu Predator was the namesake card for the Predator deck, which used Grove of the Burnwillows and Justice to turn a 2/2 trampler into a monster that would be impossible to deal with. In a format where Tendrils of Corruption was the favored removal spell, using it against the Predator deck was a big danger – if the Predator got too big, you wouldn’t be able to Tendrils it at all, and killing one of the other creatures in the deck, like Tarmogoyf, just made the Predator bigger. As long as there was no Damnation, opposing decks were caught between a rock and a very angry bear.

5. Ronom Unicorn/Kami of Ancient Law
  • Deck: Numerous
  • Role: Interrupter of combos, destroyer of enchantments

These two guys do the same thing and they do it well. As bears, they bring the beatdown early, then once your opponent has a pesky enchantment (like Heartbeat of Spring, Solitary Confinement or Form of the Dragon), your Unicorn or Spirit selflessly gives its life for the greater good. You can’t ask for much more from your half a Seal of Cleansing.

4. Kavu Titan
  • Deck: Invasion Block R/G Stompy
  • Role: Early beats or late monster. Your call!

This one… you might not get excited about a 2/2 for 2 or a 5/5 trampler for 5 now, but back in the day, having the option of either one on the same card was straight gas. Have a hand with a glut of three and four drops? Kavu Titan starts the curve. More clumped around the low end? Titan gets to top out your curve. You get eight cards worth of curve slots for only four cards in your deck, a major bargain.

3. Ethersworn Canonist
  • Deck: Extended Affinity, Standard Reveillark Control
  • Role: Making opponent’s lives miserable, one spell/turn at a time

Arcane Labratory on wheels. For one less. In the Affinity gameplan, it’s a one-sided Arcane Lab as long as you’re not playing the mirror. In Standard, the man counters Cascade, turning Bloodbraid Elf into Vulshok Berserker and Enlisted Wurm into a vanilla 5/5. Pretty crafty for a bear, huh?

2. Nest Invader
  • Deck: Standard Jund, Naya, Spread ‘Em, R/G Monument, etc.
  • Role: Acceleration and versatility

I was raving about Nest Invader all weekend at the Cascade Games 2.5K and the last PTQ of the season in Seattle. And for good reason, because Nest Invader does so much. Primarily in decks as ways 5-8 to get a four drop into play on turn 3 (alongside Lotus Cobra), Nest Invader provides extra blockers late, extra fodder for Eldrazi Monuments, and an effective cost of one mana later in the game to give yourself flexibility in casting other spells. Last time we got a one mana 2/2, it was legendary. Or couldn’t attack or block alone, but I choose to ignore Jackal Familiar. This guy’s all upside.

1. Wild Mongrel
  • Deck: Standard U/G Madness, R/G Madness
  • Role: Archetype enabler, unkillable hound

How much would you pay for the following creature?

G: This creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn. Play this ability only once per turn.
1/1

Your choices are G or “Target creature becomes black (so you can’t Dark Banishing it!) and gets +1/+1 until end of turn”. Oh, and if you pay the second cost, the spell gets flash. Nice mechanic, Wizards, Basking Rootwalla sure is balanced. Add in Roar of the Wurm, Fiery Temper, Circular Logic, Arrogant Wurm and you get the idea. Wild Mongrel made all of these spells cheaper to play, and most of them instant speed. Wild Mongrel was all set to rule the world until people realized how good Psychatog was. Instead, he was merely great.

Now, M11 will have two more really good bears that will challenge for spots on this list, Fauna Shaman and War Priest of Thune. Where they will end up, time will tell. But I can already see Vengevine being discarded with that cute “oh darn” face that Survival of the Fittest players always have.